WomenSV Founder Ruth Patrick Darlene's Technology Abuse Resource Guide

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and Cybersecurity Awareness Month. At the intersection of these is an increasingly prevalent issue: technology abuse. Also known as technology-facilitated abuse, technology abuse is a tactic used by tech-savvy abusers to monitor, stalk, control, and harass their partners. As Founder and Executive Director of WomenSV, a nonprofit focused on covert abuse and coercive control, Ruth Patrick Darlene has dedicated her life to raising awareness around subtle forms of domestic abuse. Having heard hundreds of stories from survivors of technology abuse, she is committed to educating survivors, providers and the general public about how to recognize warning signs and stay safe.

Ruth Patrick Darlene founded domestic violence nonprofit WomenSV to educate survivors, providers and communities about subtle forms of domestic violence such as covert abuse and coercive control. When coercive control is present in an intimate partner relationship, the abuser will employ a variety of tactics to intimidate, manipulate, isolate and control their partner. Technology abuse is a particularly insidious tactic that can occur during an abusive relationship - and even after the relationship ends.

Survivors of technology abuse report feeling confused, trapped and helpless by this invasive, crazy-making form of intimate partner violence. If you have experienced technology abuse, it's important to remember that you are not alone and help is available. With the right tools, knowledge and resources, it is possible to protect your cybersecurity and restore your sense of personal safety.

WomenSV compiled this resource guide to help make information about technology abuse more accessible to domestic violence survivors and their communities. This guide will cover the definition and tactics of technology abuse, actionable steps survivors can take to protect themselves, and resources for those in need of assistance.

What is Technology Abuse?

Technology abuse is an alarmingly common phenomenon in which abusers misuse digital tools to monitor, stalk, harass, control or inflict abuse on a current or former intimate partner. Unlike overt, physical forms of abuse, technology abuse often operates in secrecy, making it difficult for victims to identify the source of their distress. Common tactics include hacking personal devices, surveillance through hidden cameras, cyberstalking on social media, and controlling smart devices to harass victims remotely.

The impact of technology abuse is profound. Victims report feeling violated, helpless, and often begin to doubt their sanity, especially when they realize that even their devices are under the control of their abuser. This insidious form of abuse creates an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty, isolating survivors from friends, family, and resources.

“Many of the women I’ve worked with have experienced years of sophisticated technological abuse,” reports Ruth Patrick Darlene, describing stories that range from phone monitoring to a hidden camera in a shower head. Recognizing the tactics and red flags of technology abuse are key to identifying this bizarre behavior and informing safety planning strategies for survivors.

Common Tactics in Technology Abuse

Abusers leverage various technologies to control, intimidate, and surveil their victims. Here’s a breakdown of some of the most prevalent tactics used in technology abuse:

1. Hacking and unauthorized access

Abusers may gain unauthorized access to their victim’s phone, email, social media, or financial accounts, allowing them to monitor messages, transactions, and even GPS locations.

2. Social media harassment and cyberstalking

Technology abuse frequently extends to social media, where abusers may harass or cyberstalk victims. This can include sending threatening messages, spreading harmful misinformation in smear campaigns, or even creating fake accounts to monitor their victim’s online activities. Smear campaigns are often mounted against a survivor who has escaped an abusive relationship as a revenge tactic by their former partner. In these cases, abusers will attempt to regain control, perpetuate the abuse and isolate their victims by dismantling the survivor’s support system through the spread of false information.

3. Non-consensual image sharing

A particularly distressing tactic involves sharing intimate images without consent or threatening to do so. This could include real images or digitally altered, AI-generated content that abusers use to coerce and humiliate their victims. AI deepfakes and undressing apps have been used to extort and humiliate victims, damaging their mental health and reputation.

4. Surveillance and tracking devices

Abusers use devices like hidden cameras or tracking technologies, such as AirTags, to monitor their victims without consent. These devices can be concealed in common items or vehicles, creating an atmosphere where victims feel constantly watched. Survivors have found hidden cameras in phone chargers, smoke detectors, alarm clocks and even inside lightbulbs.

During a training for domestic violence advocates, Ruth Patrick Darlene shared the story of a survivor who had relocated to a new state in order to flee from her abuser, only to find a tracking device had followed her to her new home: “She was in the Safe at Home Program and thought she was really safe now, and then she discovered that he’d planted two AirTags in her car to stalk her.”

iPhones now have the ability to automatically detect nearby AirTags, so it’s important to investigate any AirTag notifications that pop up on your phone.

5. Smart device manipulation

Abusers exploit smart home technologies to control various aspects of their victim’s environment. This could involve adjusting thermostats, turning lights on and off, or even locking doors remotely. In vehicles with GPS-enabled devices, such as Teslas, abusers can track the victim’s location.

“Survivors have even been gifted Teslas by their partners,” Ruth Patrick Darlene elaborates. “It seems nice on the surface, but then they wonder, ‘How does he know where I am, even when I leave my phone at home?’ Well, he’s got the Tesla app on his phone, and he’s stalking her in real time. Sometimes they turn that into a way to torment her, making the windows open and close as she’s driving, or honking the horn remotely.”

6. Spyware and keystroke logging

By installing spyware or keyloggers on devices, abusers can monitor their victim’s keystrokes, screen activity, and browsing history, leaving survivors feeling helpless and violated.

Ruth Patrick Darlene warns that covert abusers can be especially sneaky, installing malicious software under the guise of being helpful. “He might say to his partner, ‘Here, let me help you, I’ll install that software for you.’ She might want software installed on her computer to prevent malware from infecting it, and she doesn’t realize that her boyfriend has also put keystroke logging software on her computer. Now even if she changes her passwords, he’ll have access to her new passwords as well.”

Recognizing Technology Abuse: Warning Signs for Survivors

Understanding the warning signs of technology abuse is a crucial first step in reclaiming control. To identify technology abuse, domestic violence survivors can look out for unusual behavior from their devices or suspicious activities online. Common warning signs include:

• Receiving notifications about unfamiliar login attempts on personal accounts.

• Unusual device behavior, such as apps opening unexpectedly or battery draining rapidly.

• Seeing posts, messages, or other content online that only someone with private knowledge could know.

• The abuser knows personal information that the survivor has not shared, such as locations or plans.

• If any of these red flags are present, it may indicate technology abuse, and taking immediate protective steps is essential.

Tips for Protecting Yourself from Technology Abuse

Survivors can take steps to minimize the risk of technology abuse, but these measures must be approached carefully to avoid detection by the abuser. Here are some key strategies:

1. Enhance password security

Avoid sharing passwords, and use strong, unique passwords for each account. Consider using a password manager to securely store and manage passwords.

2. Limit device access

Avoid allowing anyone, including a partner, to install apps or software on your devices. Be wary of “location-sharing” apps or tools that claim to promote transparency but could be misused for monitoring.

3. Protect financial information

Use bank alerts to monitor transactions, especially for financial abuse victims, and ensure online banking is protected by multi-factor authentication.

4. Monitor for tracking devices

Regularly check personal belongings and vehicles for tracking devices like AirTags. iPhones and some Android phones can detect nearby AirTags; learning how to check for these devices is a crucial safety measure.

5. Secure your images and online presence

Avoid sharing intimate images, especially digitally, where they can be exploited. If you must share an intimate image, avoid including your face or other identifying information.

If images have been shared non-consensually, seek resources to remove them and report the violation. Stop Non-Consensual Image Abuse and Take It Down are two resources that help survivors with this process.

When posting on social media, make sure not to share your location, or any details that could help a stalker determine your location, in real time.

6. Report the abuse

Reporting threats and content policy violations to authorities and social media platforms is another important measure that survivors can take to protect themselves. Unfortunately, these reports do not always result in a desirable level of action, but at the very least it can help build a record of the abuse that might be helpful should the behavior continue or escalate.

Many jurisdictions have laws against cyberstalking, cyberbullying and cyberharassment. Checking the laws in your area can help to determine if criminal activity has occurred and what legal recourse might be available.

7. Seek assistance for compromised devices

If you suspect your device is compromised, consider using a separate device outside of your home, such as a library computer or a trusted friend’s phone. Consulting cybersecurity experts, like those from Operation Safe Escape, can help secure your technology safely.

8. Consider getting a burner phone

In cases of extreme surveillance, purchasing a low-cost burner phone stored in a Faraday bag (which blocks signals) can provide an essential layer of privacy for sensitive communications.

9. Keep a physical record of important documents in a safe place

If you suspect that your devices have been compromised, you may want to find a safe, secure, private physical location to store sensitive documents.

Technology Abuse Resources

Survivors of technology abuse can access numerous resources to aid in their journey toward safety and security. Ruth Patrick Darlene and WomenSV reference the following key resources:

• Operation Safe Escape: This organization provides support specifically for survivors dealing with technology-facilitated abuse, helping them assess, secure, and manage their technology safely.

• Safety Net Project Technology Safety & Privacy: A Toolkit for Survivors

• Technology Safety & Privacy Resources from NNEDV (The National Network to End Domestic Violence)

• Stop Non-Consensual Image Abuse and Take It Down: Provides assistance for victims who have had intimate images shared without consent, offering support to remove these images and advocate for their rights.

Ruth Patrick Darlene and WomenSV on the fight against technology abuse

Ruth Patrick Darlene founded WomenSV to raise awareness around subtle forms of domestic violence, including covert abuse and coercive control. WomenSV educates survivors, advocates, providers and community members about the many different types of domestic abuse, including emotional, psychological, verbal, financial and technology abuse. Having listened to many survivor stories involving technology abuse, she recognized the urgent need for education and resources.

At WomenSV, Ruth Patrick Darlene is developing educational programs to provide accessible knowledge of technology-facilitated abuse. She trains providers working in healthcare, law enforcement and domestic violence advocacy to identify technology abuse and effectively support survivors. Without this knowledge, providers risk incorrectly dismissing reports from survivors as paranoia, preventing them from receiving the support they need. “It’s easy to look paranoid when you are in this type of relationship,” Ruth Patrick Darlene explains. “Sometimes you think your every move is being watched, because it is.”

WomenSV's educational efforts empower survivors and the providers that serve them to recognize what is happening and take action to protect their safety. WomenSV offers a comprehensive approach to fighting technology abuse, including:

• Educating survivors on how to identify signs of technology-facilitated abuse.

• Training cybersecurity professionals, technology companies, healthcare providers, law enforcement officials, court staff and domestic violence advocates on the nuances of technology abuse.

• Providing accessible resources for those impacted by technology abuse.

• Raising awareness in the general public about the prevalence of technology abuse.

WomenSV’s goal is to transform how communities understand and address technology abuse, creating a framework for identifying and combatting this modern form of domestic violence. This approach emphasizes that help is available for survivors, and with the right knowledge and resources, they can reclaim their autonomy.

WomenSV aims to empower survivors, educate communities, and create a safer environment where technology abuse is no longer an invisible threat. During her training sessions, Ruth Patrick Darlene teaches healthcare providers, law enforcement officials, cybersecurity professionals, court staff and advocates to recognize technology abuse as a legitimate form of domestic violence.

Through WomenSV, Ruth Patrick Darlene helps providers and advocates to identify, understand, and respond to technology abuse effectively. She has also implemented community outreach initiatives to destigmatize survivor stories, emphasizing that technology abuse survivors deserve to be taken seriously. WomenSV’s website offers a directory of categorized resources, with a dedicated section for technology abuse. The organization’s social media campaigns focus on raising public awareness, spreading the message that survivors are not alone, and providing information about available resources for support.

Advocating for Change

As technology advances, so do the tactics used by abusers. Advocating for policies and protections against technology abuse is a crucial step toward safeguarding survivors. WomenSV and Ruth Patrick Darlene’s work highlights the need for ongoing education, resources, and systemic support.

Community members, friends, and family of survivors can contribute to this mission by becoming aware of the signs of technology abuse and supporting the organizations and individuals working to combat it. By fostering an environment of empathy and understanding, we can support survivors in breaking free from the control of technology abuse and reclaiming their lives.

Ruth Patrick Darlene’s dedication to exposing technology abuse and supporting survivors through WomenSV shines a light on a hidden and growing issue. By understanding technology abuse, identifying its warning signs, and utilizing available resources, survivors can regain control over their lives. Technology, while powerful and pervasive, should not be a tool of control but rather a means of empowerment. WomenSV’s efforts remind survivors and advocates alike that technology abuse can be fought, prevented, and ultimately overcome.

In today’s digital world, knowledge is power. With support, education, and resources like those offered by WomenSV, survivors of technology abuse can navigate a path toward safety and freedom.