Ruth Darlene Patrick, Founder of WomenSV, on Key Imperatives for Serving Communities in Crisis

When working with communities and people in crisis, the stakes are high, especially when abuse is involved. For organizations serving those escaping and healing from abusive relationships, it is imperative that a commitment to integrity, care, and accountability be central to the way the nonprofit engages with the community and its clients.
Read more from Ruth Darlene Patrick, Founder of WomenSV, on Key Imperatives for Serving Communities in Crisis in this new article.

WomenSV receives $250K from county

The Santa Clara County Board of Supervisors approved Supervisor Joe Simitian’s proposal to grant WomenSV $250,000. Read more.

Midpeninsula Media Center Honors WomenSV Founder Ruth Darlene with Local Hero Award

WomenSV Founder and Executive Director Ruth Darlene was presented with a Hero Award from The Midpen Media Center on May 30. You can click here to watch the virtual ceremony and learn more about the work and mission of WomenSV.

Confronting Domestic Violence: Abusers' tactics include gaslighting, manipulating

Children naturally gravitate toward whomever they perceive to be the more powerful party. It’s a question of survival. And they are even more susceptible to gaslighting than adults. So they are doubly vulnerable, because not only do covert abusers typically end up with all the power when the relationship ends, they are also champion gaslighters. Read more

Confronting Domestic Violence: Waging a ‘scorched earth’ campaign on partner

The photo of her fish tank now becomes Exhibit A in the covert abuser’s own case against his partner, a case he has been building for a while now. He has already begun planting those first few seeds of doubt in the minds of mutual friends after discovering she has been secretly consulting attorneys. Read more

Confronting Domestic Violence: Games abusers play – It’s all about control

War, chess, poker, Monopoly: just some of the games the covert abuser likes to play. Read more

Confronting Domestic Violence: Be on alert for the covert abuser

She learns that a covert abuser is not like a regular perpetrator of domestic violence. Fists and blows are beneath him. There may have been a moment or two when he put his hands on her – but for the most part, he hasn’t had to resort to such crude methods of control. And it only ever had to happen once for it ever to be hanging in the air again as a possibility. He is 60 pounds heavier, barrel-chested. Read more

Confronting Domestic Violence: The covert abuser takes away her power

For a time, she finds solace in gardening, planting a bed full of roses that have recently burst into full bloom. She smiles to herself as she prunes and waters. Here is a bed that still brings her joy. Read more

Confronting Domestic Violence: How the covert abuser inflicts invisible wounds

As he finishes his summary of the many reasons why no other man would ever want her, she struggles into the dress that had once fit so well – before he had told her that if she ever left him, he would take the children. Read more

Confronting Domestic Violence: The covert abuser casts himself as hero

Nearly a 100 years ago, Ernest Hemingway wrote a book about bullfighting. In it, he described in loving detail the ambush of a trapped animal by a dozen armed men, surrounded in turn by a thousand bloodthirsty fans cheering until the last fatal blow was struck, reminiscent of gladiator days. Now, in our modern, evolved era, we have boxing or MMA to slake the common man’s taste for bread and circuses. And for covert abusers, we have social gatherings. Read more

Recognizing the warning signs of coercive control

When it comes to identifying and protecting ourselves from coercive control, education is the best form of intervention – and the earlier the better. Read more.

Confronting Domestic Violence: Education proves best form of protection

"The challenge in escaping from an abusive relationship is not to end up becoming the thing you fled. Some survivors go down a dark road, where they end up adopting some of the attributes and strategies of the partner they left – they are quick to anger, to go on the attack. Confronted with the fight/flight/freeze response to trauma, they end up in perpetual 'fight.'" Read more.

Confronting Domestic Violence: Subtle forms of abuse wear victims down

“In this column, I want to look at those professionals at the far end of the bell curve, the outliers, the ones who use their knowledge, education and credentials to control and coerce the very ones they should be protecting the most.” Read more.

Confronting Domestic Violence: The impacts of coercive control

“If I give my heart to you, I am trusting that you will treat it with love and tenderness. But what happens when that trust is betrayed and I end up living in fear, a prisoner in my own home?” Read more.

WomenSV: Empowering survivors of domestic violence

The COVID-19 health crisis and extended stay-at-home restrictions are devastating for survivors who are forced into close contact with their abuser 24/7. This has led to a significant increase in calls for WomenSV’s services. The organization’s waitlist has doubled, appointments are booking four to five weeks out, and support group attendance has tripled from 10 to 30-35 survivors. Read more.

Holiday Fund celebrates 20 years of support for nonprofits

The Los Altos Town Crier Holiday Fund is launching its 20th year supporting local nonprofit organizations that serve a wide range of needs in the community. Read more.

Confronting Domestic Violence: New state legislation addresses coercive control

A new law passed Oct. 1 in the California State Legislature incorporates coercive control into the definition of domestic violence, at least in family court. Under Senate Bill 1141, coercive control can be grounds for a restraining order and, if violated, becomes grounds for a criminal charge. Read more.

Confronting Domestic Violence: The tactics of covert abusers

Coercive control in an intimate partner relationship is a subtle, strategic form of ongoing oppression and terrorism. It’s designed to dominate an intimate partner by instilling fear. Read more.

Confronting Domestic Violence: The Issue of Invisible Abuse

WomenSV’s Executive Director Ruth Darlene’s 7-part series began on November 11 in the Los Altos Town Crier and will appear weekly. It’s about more subtle forms of abuse/coercive control and SB 1141 which goes into effect in family court in January, 2021, incorporating coercive control into the definition of domestic violence. Read more.

Financial Abuse in Marriages: Warning Signs and How to Get Help

Domestic financial abuse is not limited to any one part of society.  The fact is, financial abuse not only takes place among the wealthy, it can be especially intense and ugly among the more successful middle and upper classes. Read more