Red Flags

Any of these red flags is an indication that your relationship is likely to become physically violent and/or emotionally abusive.  

Jealousy: Is your partner jealous? Does he accuse you of flirting? Is he jealous of the time you spend with others?

Controlling Behavior: Does your partner want to make all the decisions for you? Does he get angry if you’re late? Does your partner discourage you from going to school? Does your partner keep all the money, doling it out a little at a time?

Isolation: Does your partner keep you away from your friends and family? Does your partner call people who support you “troublemakers”?

Quick Involvement: Did your partner come on fast, rushing you to engagement, marriage, or serious involvement? Did your partner pressure you to commit right away?

Unrealistic Expectations: Does your partner expect you to meet all of his needs? Are you supposed to be the perfect lover, parent, and friend?

Blames others for his/her problems: Does your partner blame you for mistakes he makes? Does your partner believe that other people are always out to get him?

Blames others for his/her feelings: Does your partner blame you for “making him mad”? Does your partner claim that you control how he feels?

Hypersensitivity: Is your partner easily insulted? Does your partner rant and rave about daily stresses?

Cruelty to Animals or Children: Does your partner tease, humiliate, slap, or beat the children? Does your partner disrespect them in other ways? Does your partner brutally punish animals?

Forced Sex: Does your partner force you into sex that you do not want?

Verbal Abuse: Does your partner say things that are cruel and hurtful? Does your partner degrade and criticize you in front of others? Does your partner insist that you can’t succeed without him?

Rigid Sex Roles: Does your partner believe that a woman should serve and obey men and stay at home? Does your partner believe women are inferior to men and less intelligent? Does he refuse to cook, wash dishes, or take care of the children?

Past Battering: Does your partner admit that he has hit a partner in the past and insist that the other person made him do it?

Threats of Violence: Does your partner make statements like: “I’ll kill you”, “I’ll break your neck”, “I’ll fix it so no one else will want you”?

Breaking or Striking Objects: Does your partner break objects, especially ones you love? Does your partner beat on tables, strike walls, or throw objects around or near you?

(Reference: Project SURVIVE, City College, San Francisco, 2008)

For more information, check out this list of warning signs from Psych Central.